Lent

Today starts Lent.  Those forty days that tread on the road to Easter morning.  I never paid much attention to them before.  It's a busy time -- these forty days.  There's two birthdays in the family to celebrate, usually a recital or two to practice for, the end of school is in sight , yet so much more work needs to be done.

My grandpa, a Catholic, observes Lent.  And that's all that I knew about it.  Yet, there is something about Easter.  You shouldn't just come about the day, and celebrate it.  You need to build up to it, and savor it, and dwell on it much longer than one day out of three hundred and sixty-five.  Easter isn't a holiday, it's a lifestyle.  And Lent is the time set aside to clear our minds and our hearts, realigning our hearts with the reality of what Easter means.

I don't know why I paid attention to the idea this year.  Maybe it was because for the past month, as I was interning on the creative arts team at my church, we were preparing for forty days of Church-wide prayer.  Creating content for an initiative to pray for those who don't know our Savior with the intent to do something about it.  And it made me think about Easter differently.  It isn't just a holiday, it's a revolutionary concept that can change your life.

Maybe it was a song, stuck in my heart as I surfed the internet, filling my mind with mindlessness.  Garbage in, Garbage out, What goes in is found out, All can see what goes in me, I pay the price...



Lizzie says that the song is annoying.  It sticks in her head.  Yet, that's the point, isn't it?  What goes into my heart stays there, gets stirred around, and comes back out again in some way, some form.  In this case, it's a melody.  In some cases, not so much.

So maybe all this made me decide to focus, for forty days, on something more than mindless monotony that the world unceasingly chants.  It tries to lull me to sleep.  And here I am, with a Love so explosive, so beyond comprehension -- yet I'm drifting to sleep.

This year I want a Lent that drives me to see Joy in something beyond myself.  In something beyond the internet and the TV.  In something beyond material things, and the possessiveness of me. I want to breathe out something else these next forty days, and forever, really.  I want the reality of Easter -- of a brutal murder of a radical God and of a power that brings a dead Man to life to change humanity forever -- to be what people notice in me.

Lies

Yesterday my friend and I were making a funny video of each other.  When I sat down and watched what we had created, I was amazed at what I saw.  Was that really me?  Do I actually sound like that?  Is that how I laugh, and the way I move my hands when I speak?  

I never see myself candidly like that.  I look at myself in the mirror so many times a day, yet I have no idea what I look like.  In my head, I look like the girl in the mirror -- every hair exactly how I've placed it, nice posture, everything.  But really I don't look like that.  I laugh, look perplexed, listen to others talk, open doors, trip, lounge on the couch.  I never see myself then.  I don't see the real, live me, when I'm really being.  

And my friends, those around me, see me differently than I see myself.  They see how I act, the words I say that give a picture of who I am.  They see the way I stand, sit, talk, and laugh -- and accept it as me.  But that isn't me either, really.  They don't know the me inside myself.  They can't see my motives, my worldview and limited, unique perspective.  They see a part of me, but no one will ever understand completely all that it is to be me.

The only one who gets to see both -- the way I am outside of me, and who I am inside of me -- is God.  He has the perfect perspective...which is why it makes sense that His thoughts on my life are the most important.

Anyway -- all of that to get to this -- I've recently been wondering about the lies I tell myself.  There are some lies so deep within me, so subconscious, that I don't even question them.  It's like the lie I tell myself about my voice.  I hear myself speak, and I accept it as how I really sound.  But, when I hear myself on a recording, I discover that the voice inside my head isn't quite accurate.

There are other lies I let myself believe sometimes.  Lies about being ugly, or stupid, or insignificant.  About not being enough or inconsequential.  Sometimes I tell myself lies that make me feel better than I am, too.  My heart, which knows so little, says I'm smarter than I am.  That I'm better than others.  That I deserve so much.

These things I tell myself are not a conscious decision I make.  They came from my culture, my experience, and the finite, sinful flesh that I dwell in.  And yet, I have the ability to follow after One who knows the truth.  One who tells me pointblank that, though I am nothing on my own, I am His beautiful daughter.  I matter, I have purpose, because He has given it to me.  And He knows who I really am.  He created me -- body and soul.  He should know.  And so, when I run after Him, I discover myself.  I'll never see me by listening to those around me or by looking in the mirror.  It's only when I surrender to a God so big, so infinite and beyond me, that I find myself.  It's terrifying to give myself away -- to say YES to all that He asks of me.  Yet, it's where I find contentment, too.  And Joy.  And a Peace beyond what I could know on my own.

Wait, you know what Angry Birds is, too?!

It's funny how things work out sometimes.  Like when I learn about the man who invented steam engines, and a Jeopardy! question asks about the same thing.  Or when my mom gets a Hyundai, and suddenly it seems like the roads are filled with them.  And I feel like the world discovers things as I discover things.  But, really, they've always been there.  I'm just seeing them for the first time.

It's the same with Joy, really.  When I decide to pursue a life of Joy, I discover that Ann is doing a Joy Dare on her blog.  But this isn't the first year she's organized it.  It's simply the first year I've paid attention.  And, with taking on this dare, this dare to count 1,000 blessings, I've found so many things I've never seen before.  They've always been there, but I'm finally seeing them.

They are little things -- like hugs from good friends and warm, cozy slippers -- but they make all the difference.  Because, when suddenly I see these blessings cropping up everywhere, I'm aware of something so much bigger than myself.  Even though each little Joy is small by itself, counting 1,000 blessings illuminates a God that watches over every minute detail of my life.  He's there, every moment of my life.  And He's given me everything I need.  Every breath.  Every smile.  Every new opportunity or trial that I face.  He's given it to me because He knows me and loves me.  What better reason do I need to be joyful?

Joy

I'm an autumn person.  I like the deep, rich colors that come before the leaves die.  I prefer the last lines of Moby Dick ("It was the devious-cruising Rachel, that in her retracing search after her missing children, only found another orphan.") to Cinderella ("And they lived happily ever after.")  I enjoy Christmas carols written in minor keys. I like  for KING & COUNTRY's song "Crave" to their "Fine Fine Life".  And, if I had to admit, I often let myself slip into despondency for no reason, and let bitterness creep in where it doesn't belong.

Basically, I like the opposite of joy.  I'm not sure what to call it, exactly.  It isn't unhappiness or sadness or anger.  It isn't that I don't love to laugh.  I am just, moody.  Minor, instead of major.  Grey, in place of white.  And so, it makes me uncomfortable to reach outside my small circle of melancholy contentment and experience unbridled Joy.  To laugh until I cry.  To sing "Good Morning," Mandisa's energetic thankfulness for a brand new day, at the top of my lungs.  Because the introvert in me, who likes to live life in retrospection and contemplativeness,  often misses the happiness in the moment.  Often skips the blessings, and sees only the shadows.  And while that isn't always the case for me, it often turns out that way.  So, this year, I'm wanting Joy to kidnap my heart.

I've been looking at Scriptures that talk about Joy.  Lately, it's been Psalm 51:12:

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit."

 The Psalmist is asking God to give him Joy, and a spirit willing to do what God asks.  And that's the best way to start.  Prayer.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." Matt. 7:7-8

 I've also been trying to find some songs with themes of Joy, but I've had a hard time finding anything that really talks specifically about Joy.  There are a multitude of songs dealing with hope, forgiveness, and grace, but I've had a difficult time finding any that have to do with Joy.

Have you been reading any Scripture about your word of the year?  If you've heard any Christian music that speaks about Joy, I'd love to hear about it!

Happy Julianuary!

Happy New Year, everyone!  Can you believe that it is already 2014?  It's the Year of the Horse (well, not quite, but soon) and of "radiant orchid" (for creative folk like me).  For many, it's a year of new jobs, new opportunities, new beginnings.  I like the first days of each new year a lot.  I enjoy contemplating about things ahead, and remembering things I've learned and mistakes I've made in the past.  It's part of living, reminiscing is.  And the new year is the perfect time to do it.

Last year, instead of forming resolutions, I chose a word that I thought would characterize the year for me.  It was a word I wanted to think about, learn about, and blog about.  Last year, it was Hope.  If you would like to go back and read my thoughts on Hope, you can go back here, here, and here.

So this year, I've decided to choose a new word for 2014.  The one I landed on is Joy.

The reason I chose Joy, is very simple.  I don't have any.  Well, that isn't exactly true.  I have a vast potential for Joy -- I have God Himself living inside of me!  He has blessed me in ways beyond my comprehension.  He has promised to take care of me and give me everything I will ever need.  And, He has said that I can be filled with His Joy.  The problem is, I don't tap into that resource that God has blessed me with.  I let the little things in life frustrate me to the point where Joy is miles away.  So, this year I'd like to learn more about, and implement Joy in my life.

What are your New Year's resolutions?  Do you have a word for 2014?

The Christmas Blog Swap Part IV

Today is the last day of the Christmas Blog Swap!  I hope you've enjoyed reading these posts as much as we have!  It's been so much fun writing and swapping posts with other bloggers this Christmas season.  Today I'm back on my blog concluding with the last, forgotten character of Christmas.  Please head over to the other three blogs and check their final posts as well!  Merry Christmas :)

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16-17

The last, overlooked member of the Christmas story is you.  Without you, the story would be incomplete.  Without a lost, wretched soul drowning in his unending sin and despair, there is no need for the Christmas story.  We don't need God if we can fix ourselves.  We don't need a Savior if our lives are perfect.  We need a baby in a manger because we are destitute and helpless.  Because for century upon century, we -- humanity -- have made no solution to our own desperate problem.  We discovered electricity, cured diseases, eliminated so many "inconveniences" on this earth, but we cannot create beautiful freedom from sin.  

If we look at Christmas as a sweet sentiment or fanciful story, then its purpose is destroyed.  If Herod's madness, Simeon's belief, the innkeeper's provision -- if that is only a nice story, then we've missed it.  But, it's impossible to see ourselves as a piece of the story and still misunderstand its point.  When we look to our Savior, sleeping in a stinking manger as a tiny baby, healing the sick that lie groveling in the dirt, then see Him gasping for breath on the cross -- and we still can't see that He did it for us, then we've missed the most important point of our existence.  

Jesus came for you and for me.  He lived and died for us.  And if we fail to see it, then we'll have missed the most breath-taking, beautiful Love that has ever pursued us.  This Christmas, I pray that you will remember all that makes Christmas important -- the provision and blessing that God has in store for you.

Christmas Blog Swap III

Here's the Christmas Blog Swap number 3!  Today I'm swapping with Hannah!  I've just recently met Hannah through this blog swap and really enjoyed her posts about Christmas traditions.  This post that I'm sharing today is especially fun for me, because she's talking about one of my favorite traditions, too!  After reading Hannah's post, you can head over to her blog to read my Christmas post, and the one's on Lizzie and Shelley's blog, as well!

Christmas Traditions: Candlelight Services & Christmas Carols

When I think back over holiday memories, I remember being so excited about our church's Christmas Eve service! It was so exciting to go to church and sing Christmas carols with friends. It was exciting to praise God and take time to remember the true meaning of Christmas--Christ's birth. And as a kid, it was always exciting to hold a candle and sing in the candlelight. 

When my family moved from Massachusetts to Florida when I was in high school, our new church didn't have a Christmas Eve service. But my family made sure to set aside time to sing carols together! And we even lit candles or would light a fire in our fireplace. 

I want my kids to grow up singing Christmas carols! I love how many carols are so worshipful and can direct our attention from the busyness of the season to thinking about Christ's birth. I started playing Christmas carols for my 1.5 year old and he loves "Angels We Have Heard On High" because of the part where we sing "Gloria"…now when he sees a Christmas angel he sings "Gloria!" 

Other favorite carols are "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel", "We Three Kings", "O Holy Night" and I could keep going! I love how these songs focus not only on Christ's actual birth, but also on why He came--to lay down His life for our sins so that we could know the Father! 

I would love to hear about your favorite carols and why! Last year I shared some carols with my Compassion kids and asked them to share songs that they sing during Christmas. It was fun to read some of the songs!